


I'm Randy

by immortalpramheda



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base - SNL Sketch
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Mild Smut, One Shot, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Saturday Night Live References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22501924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalpramheda/pseuds/immortalpramheda
Summary: The force bond connects and instead of finding Supreme Leader Kylo Ren in her vicinity, Rey finds Randy the intern.
Relationships: Randy the Intern (Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base)/Rey (Star Wars), Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 79





	I'm Randy

**Author's Note:**

> A fun little one shot of Rey finding Kylo undercover as Randy and finding it hilarious but also kinda hot.

It had been a long and exhausting morning, and the day wasn’t even halfway done yet. Being an intern wasn’t fun. You got stuck with crappy jobs and constantly told to run errands, such as complicated caf orders for the Generals, and if you got it wrong you’d have to go back and get the correct order. And being told to wrangle up all the droids, but then there was one _stupid_ droid who wouldn’t stop moving and kicking it didn’t do anything but make it ram into his foot and give him a bruise.

These were things the Supreme Leader never had to pay any mind to. It was his inferiors place to do all the tedious jobs. The only reason he was doing this was to find out who was talking about him behind his back and planning to overthrow him. Hux, he suspected, but he needed to discover who else was plotting against him and withholding important information from him.

On his lunch break, he needs a moment alone so he makes his way back to his chambers. Down the back of the of the Star Destroyer, where all the low levels live, was his home for the next week. As soon as he closes the door behind him, the air surrounding him is sucked into a void and there is a stillness. He knows exactly what it means.

They hadn't connected for weeks. He was hoping they wouldn’t while he was undercover, he didn’t particularly want her to see him like this. He slowly turns around and she comes into view.

She’s wearing dark grey clothing, similar to what she was wearing the last time he saw her in person, with her hair back up in three tight buns. She’s looking him up and down, suppressing a smile on her lips.

He takes a careful step towards her. “Rey.”

She begins to laugh, right from her belly echoing throughout the room. He stands there stiffly and waits for her to finish so he can explain.

Once she’s calmed down, she finally speaks. “I’ve never seen you wear anything other than… _black._ ” She pauses and bites her bottom lip. “What’s up with the vest and beanie? You look like you’re about to head out into a blizzard.”

“I’m undercover.”

She looks amused. “Undercover?”

He holds up the name tag attached to the lanyard around his neck. “I’m Randy. An intern.”

“An intern?” she says, raising her eyebrows. “You, _Supreme Leader of the First Order_ , are undercover as an _intern_?”

Her tone is mocking but he doesn’t let it get to him. “Yes.”

She begins to laugh again and then stops when she notices the expression on his face is deadly serious. “Why?”

“I need to know who is rising up against me.” His voice rises and he has to focus his breathing to calm down. “These people are all _idiots_ , but they endanger my rule.”

“And this.” She takes a step towards him as she gestures to his body. “They actually _buy_ this disguise?”

“Yes,” he says. "They appear to not know it’s me.”

“Really?” she asks doubtfully.

“I can read their minds if I please—“

“But you won’t,” she interrupts. “Because you’re not the _Supreme Leader_ , you’re simply an intern.”

“Right.“

“You have a very distinctive face.” Her lips form into an honest smile. “And ears.”

He covers his ears with his hands self consciously. That’s why he chose the beanie. “It’s better than my disguise as Matt.”

“Matt?”

He squeezes his eyes shut. He didn’t want to ever bring this up to her, but now he’d let it slip. “I did this a couple of years ago, before we…”

“Before we _what_?”

“Before we saw inside each other’s minds.” He looks away, embarrassed. It was the first time he’d gotten intimate with a girl and it made his cheeks blush simply thinking about it.

“You’ve gone undercover before?”

He nods. “As Matt. A radar technician.”

“Ah,” she says, taking a step back. “And what did that disguise entail?”

He swallows, not particularly thrilled about delving back into that disastrous event. “I had short blonde hair, glasses, and… bright orange suspenders.” He shakes his head as he remembers that humiliating outfit. He was surprised anyone could possibly take him seriously when he looked like _that._

She takes in the mental image of that and snickers. “That would have been a sight to see.”

“I let my emotions get the better of me and things… didn’t go well. At all.” He remembers back to how he _accidentally_ killed multiple people in the three days he was undercover. “They all knew who I really was.”

“Your emotions can be… erratic,” she says slowly.

She could get on his nerves sometimes, but she was right. “This time will be different. They’re not going to know it’s me.”

“I’m sure this,” she points to his outfit, “will fool them all.”

“It will.” He crouches down so he’s eye level to her. Maybe this disguise could help him get through to her. “The _Supreme Leader_ is doing whatever it takes to track you down. You could say he’s… _obsessed_ with finding you.”

She raises her eyebrows as her cheeks redden. “Is that so?”

“He has got every General keeping an eye out for you. It’s the number mission of the First Order at the current moment, finding the girl who _killed_ Snoke.” That wasn’t the reason why he wanted her found, there were… personal reasons, but no one else needed to know that. “Where is the Resistance base?”

She crosses her arms defiantly. “No. I’m not telling a First Order intern _anything_.”

“We’ll see.” He moves closer, his hot breaths landing on her neck. “You can’t hide from me, Rey,” he whispers right into her ear.

He feels a shiver go through her spine as she tilts her neck up to look into his eyes. “Ben—“

He pulls back at the sound of that name. “I need to stay in character. Call me Randy.”

“Randy,” she says, testing the name out. “In character huh? So, what’s your story?”

He fiddles with his lanyard. “My story. Well… I’m from Hoth.”

“Hoth.” She crosses her arms and smirks. “That explains the beanie and vest. And you’re in your twenties…?”

“Twenty four years old. I just completed my degree in… interning?” _Damnit_ , he hadn’t thought this all through. “Specialising in spacecraft… design. I applied to the First Order’s intern program and was accepted.”

“Uh huh,” she says, beginning to circle around him. “So let me ask you something, _Randy_?”

“Sure.” He gulps in some air, suddenly anxious by her presence being this close to him.

“Is Randy— are _you,_ have you ever been with a girl before?”

“You mean is he— I mean, am _I_ a vir…?” he trails off, unable to say that word.

She stops moving and nods at him as she nibbles at her thumb.

“No.” He straightens up, remembering to stay in character. “I actually just broke up with my longterm girlfriend. I took this job to help distract myself and get my mind off her.”

“Hmm.” She looks him up and down. “Would you say you have anger issues?”

“No!” he roars, and then collects himself. That isn’t who he is. “No, not like _Kylo Ren_.”

She walks right up to him so their noses are almost touching. “Do you get emotional?”

He tries to keep his emotions in check and not let his his guard down. He’s not like _Ben_ , he’s Randy, an awkward young intern. “Everyone does sometimes, but I’m not overly sensitive like… _some_ people.”

She reaches up and runs her hand over his right cheek, the facial hair prickling her fingers. He closes his eyes and lets himself melt into her touch.

“This…” she says.

“It’s part of the disguise.” His expression changes and he breaks character for a moment. “Why, do you like it?”

“It tickles,” she says, giving a chuckle. She reaches up and begins to slide the beanie off his head.

He grabs her hands forcefully to stop her. “Leave it on.”

She refuses to let go and cocks her head at him. “You’re ashamed of your ears.”

“No,” he says dismissively. “I’m not… it’s part of the _character_. Okay boomer?”

Her hands fall down to her side as she pulls back. “What?”

“It’s what the young ones say these days.” One of the most used current lingo he’d discovered while researching for this role.

“Do you even _know_ what it means?” she asks. “Because I do not fit the context of that phrase at all.”

“Does _anyone_ know what it means? Fuck, Rey, I’m just trying to blend in.” She made him crazy. Oh she did.

“I thought you didn’t have anger issues.”

“I don’t,” he snaps. “I don’t.” He calms his breathing down and relaxes his shoulders. He takes the satchel off and drops it to the ground and throws the lanyard on top.

She’s looking at him in way that reminds him of when they were in the elevator heading up to Snoke’s throne room. Her eyes were searching him them, hungry to get a taste of him, just as they were now.

Before he knows what is happening, she comes running at him and slams her lips into his. He’s taken aback at first but cannot keep his hands off her. He grabs her face in his hands and leans his head down, kissing her back desperately.

He feels her hand travel down his puffy vest and land on his crotch. He pulls away and his eyes snap to hers.

She keeps her hand in place and looks at him with a grin on her face. “What, I thought you said you were experienced?”

“Randy is,”

“And _you're_ Randy," she points out.

_You're in character_ , he tells himself. _Nothing to be nervous about_. ”I am. I’m Randy.”

She takes the zipper of his vest and begins pulling it down, as his lips once against connect with hers and a jolt of warmth goes through his veins.

She pulls the vest off and then gets to trying to pull his sweater off. He helps her get it over his head and then she stops and runs her hands down his broad chest. She stops at his high waisted pants.

She slowly begins to unzip his pants and his heart begins to feel like it will overload if she keeps it up.

“Don’t be afraid,” she says in a soothing voice. “I feel it too.”

It’s something he said to her, way back when. No, something _Kylo_ said. He was _Randy_ now. And he wanted to be Randy because right now he is the person Rey wanted.

He feels himself get hard and leans his head down into the crook of her neck. He kisses down her neck as she works away on him and he groans out in pleasure.

“Rey,” he whispers into her ear as he wraps his hands tightly around her hair.

She works harder at him and he reaches an arm down her stomach and she gasps when his hand goes under the waistband of her pants.

“Be— _Randy_ ,” she murmurs. He likes the sound of that name coming out of her mouth.

Suddenly, they’re interrupted by a banging on the door. He pulls away, her touch still lingering on every inch of him.

“Randy?” the person on the other side of the door yells.

“Shit,” he mutters. He pushes Rey away and tries to get his pants zipped back up.

A beep is heard and then the door to his chambers slides open. His superior officer stands in the doorway, staring at him open mouthed after just having caught his intern with his pants down.

“Uh,” his superior officer says, darting his gaze away from the sight of him. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure if you were in here. Em, your break is over, it’s time to get back to work."

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he yells as the officer rushes out.

He turns back to Rey, who is sitting on the ground hugging her legs to her chest. She puts a hand to her mouth but he can see the twitch of her lips and knows exactly what she thinks of the situation.

“Shit, I’ve gotta go.”

Rey begins to laugh uncontrollably. “You’ve got quite the reputation, _Randy._ ”

“Ha ha,” he says, focussing on zipping his pants back up. “No thanks to _you_.”

“Hey, you’re the one trying to get over you girlfriend.”

“My girlfriend?” He puts his vest back on and pulls his satchel over his shoulder and tilts his head at her quizzically.

“You know, your longterm girlfriend who you _just_ broke up with.”

“Right.” He needed to remember that detail. He puts the lanyard around his neck and is all ready to get back. “I have to go.”

“Umm,” she says, pointing to his left thigh.

There is a large wet patch right there on the beige coloured fabric. He can’t go back out looking like this. “Shit, shit, shit.” He searches the room for a fresh pair of pants and finds a black pair. That’ll work better, stains won’t be noticeable.

As soon as he’s taken the soiled pair off and put the clean ones on, he turns back to her. “Fuck, Rey, we really shouldn’t—“

But she’s gone. It’s just him all alone and he has to get back to work.

He leaves his chambers and adjusts his beanie and wig, which were displaced during their rendezvous, as he walks. He makes it to the main docking bay and hears whispering though the doorway. He pauses and listens.

“Oh no, he _definitely_ was.”

“I thought he was a weirdo, but jerking off during his lunch break?”

“That’s fucking weird, dude.”

“A ten minute lunch break and _that’s_ what he does? Does he even eat?”

“Maybe he eats—“

“Ewww, that’s _gross_.” He hears a thud as something hits the ground.

“Can he really not control himself so he has to get himself off _ten_ times a day?”

His cheeks redden. Two days on the job and already rumours had started about him. Everyone goes silent when he walks in the room.

“Randy, hey,” the girl with the braided hair says.

“Sorry, I got held up,” he says, feigning a smile.

One of the engineers, the young one with the glasses whose name he didn’t remember and had no interest in learning, chuckles. He fights the urge not to force choke him right there even though that is what he would very much like to do after what he just overheard them saying. But that wasn’t what Randy did. Randy was an ordinary guy who was a first level intern. He didn’t hurt people. He didn’t _accidentally_ kill people.

He claps his hands together. “I’m ready to intern. Okay boomer.”

They all stare at him but no one says a word.

“Alright… Randy sit over there and we’ll get to work,” his superior officer says.

He does what he’s told and sits in a chair on the far edge fo the room, a few feet away from everyone else. They pay him no mind as he listens to them drone on and on.

It had only been a couple of days so far but he already misses being in charge. He misses being the person who no one dared speak a word against in fear of being killed. He misses having _power_.

But the one positive was Rey seemed to be into this. She was into Randy. That was further than he’d ever gone with her before. If only he could control when they connected.

It was going to be a long week.


End file.
